


Tower of Sand

by Gowombat83



Series: Cullen and Ygrette [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M, Lyrium Addiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-21 21:42:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11366196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gowombat83/pseuds/Gowombat83
Summary: Ygrette knows war and loss on the battlefield, but the fight for Cullen is not one she's prepared to lose.





	Tower of Sand

Ygrette stood before her Commanders desk in his turret tower, her hands clenched to white-knuckled fists by her sides. Her heart inside her chest pounded painfully like it was trying to escape the cage of her body, escape her torment. The pain she felt as those eyes, those dark golden eyes she loved so much, bored into her with such rage and disgust was almost more than she could bare, but she would bare it. Because the alternative would kill her more surely than any sword. This battle she must not lose. But it wasn’t for herself she was fighting, she didn’t hurt for herself, she hurt for _him._ Cullen was drowning, in a sea of self-loathing and unspeakable suffering, and right now he was about to slip beneath the waves and let them take him away. Away from her. She silently cursed again the Templars that had, at the tender age of 13, taken this sweet boy from his loving family and addicted him to the vile blue liquid which even now in the midst of his rage sang to him, tempted him. The lyrium, without which he would not at this moment be fighting for his life. The anger and hopelessness that burned in Cullen scorched her from just inches away as in his eyes and in his words he rejected her.

“Don’t you understand? Don’t you see how I need?” he yelled, pleaded, “The lyrium gives Templars their strength, without it I am useless to you. And with it I’m not worthy of you!” he leans over the desk, hands splayed, planted in front of him bearing all his weight as his shoulders slumped in defeat, “I fear what I am when I’m on it, tied to the order, under their control. I fear that without it my need for it will eclipse my need for you! At the wrong moment, it could cost you your life. I won’t be responsible for that, better to kill me now!” his breathing is laboured, he brow shined with sweat as tremors shuddered through his body.  His voice drops from a roar to a broken cracking thickness, “I’m no good for you either way.” He looked away, shamed by his weakness, jaw clenched tight. Ygrettes heart wrenched inside her knowing exactly what he was thinking, and knowing that he wasn’t the man he believed himself to be but was so much better than that. It made her angry, her temper was never far below the surface but now it ripped through her in a hot searing wave. She was mad! Mad at the world that would tear and torment him, mad at the circumstances that brought him to this point, and mad at herself, feeling so incapable of taking it all away from him. Ygrette shook her head defiantly, her fierce glare blazing up at him. She storms around the desk and stops by his side, but his head remained turned resolutely away from her. One lightning quick hand lashes out to shove his shoulder roughly, staggering him and forcing him to turn towards her. He says nothing but she sees the strain in his jaw from clenching his teeth.

“ _Look_ at me!” she demands, her voice low and gravelly as her whole body trembles with tension. He is unwilling but he cannot ignore her command, he turns his haunted golden gaze to meet hers, dull and pain-clouded he stares emptily down at her. Ygrette reaches out suddenly, her strong hands firmly cupping his face as she steps in to him, kissing him hard. She pulls his mouth painfully against hers, forcing his mouth open with her tongue, making him feel her as she tried to ignite some life back into that dead stare that frightens her so. For a moment he almost allows it, but then he grips her arms just above her elbows and harshly shoves her away from him. His whole body thrums with tension as he fights the urge to throw her back, or ram her against a wall, anything that will make her understand how dangerous he is like this. But he holds her out and away from him, fingers digging into her flesh hard enough to bruise and there is life in his eyes now, but it’s feral and burning. Ygrette felt the back of her eyes prick with heat but she would not let it show how it hurt, he would only use it as another weapon against himself.

“Don’t _you_ see” she demanded thickly, “how I fight for you and not against you? Don’t you understand that you are so much more than you believe? That without you I would be less, perhaps not enough for all of this? None of us can do this alone, not even me! _You_ don’t have to do this, any of this, _LIFE,_ alone! You don’t have to be perfect to deserve love Cullen. If you need strength _I_ will be your strength. I will be your only need, and I will _never_ give up on you! Do you understand me?” her throat is raw and throbbing as she commands him to hear her, “Cullen? You say you need the lyrium, that you are weak for it or without it. I do not believe that, because you have me. Do you hear me Cullen? You can do this because you are not alone, because you have me and _I_ will it so. Do you believe _me_ weak? My strength is your strength, your needs are my needs. And _I,_ will _never_ , fail you!” Her tears flow hot and free down her reddened cheeks. Her arms still pinned in his strong grasp she cannot step closer to him but she pushes into his hold and strains toward him, she brushes her lips gently against the hard line of his mouth. He squeezes his eyes tightly shut as her warm, tender mouth lightly meets his, and the first droplets fall from his tear-beaded eyelashes to roll down his cheeks. Cullen swallows hard, his eyes flashing open he gives her a small sharp shake,

“What do you _want_ from me!” his throat burns as the words growl out of him, his gaze intense, the desperate eyes of a drowning man. He was afraid. Afraid to hope or afraid to let go, either was an agony beyond his endurance. She doesn’t flinch away from his pain, she wants to wipe his tears but her arms are still pinned to her sides. She instead rests her palm against his chest, his heartbeat fluttering beneath her touch, and she let all of her love for him flood into her eyes.

“If this is to be our last moment together, I want to remember it,” she whispers. A tiny tendril of fear turns to ice low in her stomach, was she really about to lose him? With an anguished cry he drops to his knees burying his head against her stomach as great wracking sobs rock through his body. Vice tight hands grip her arms and the folds of her skirts as he holds her to him and purges his brokenness. Ygrette tenderly cradles his head against her, her own tears silent and hot upon her face she whispers soothingly and strokes his hair and lets his sorrow seep away in her loving embrace.

Finally his body becomes quiet, his great shoulders gradually stilling under her hands; he has made his choice. The crashing weight of her fear makes her heart shudder in her chest and her knees buckle beneath her. As they kneel face to face in his tower, his hands still gripping her elbows she searches his face for rejection as she leans toward him again, his fingers flex as she presses her hot salty lips to his, praying he won’t turn her away again. Suddenly he yanks her body to his and holds her hard against him, his mouth opens upon hers, his tongue seeking entrance which she willingly gives. He kisses her deeply, hungrily, all the passion he has for her he pours out of himself as a hot wave and fills her. Cullens hands at last free her arms as he wraps them around her body almost crushingly tight, and she is able to finally reach up and wipe his tear-stained cheeks with her thumbs as she cups his face desperately to hers. It is a kiss to turn bones to water, to make you forget your own name, to meld two souls to one. He had never kissed her like this before, so open and raw and forceful. She couldn’t think, her mind shattered by the overwhelming sense of him around her and within her, but she never wanted it to end. He had made his choice, Ygrette felt him surrender utterly, trusting her to save him.

After a time they fell still, Cullens arms drew gently around his love and he held her warmth tenderly to him, they were completely content sitting in the dark holding one another, dusting light kisses over eyelids and shoulders and fingers, and anywhere they delighted in kissing. Whispering sweet nothings as their hands and lips moved over their bodies. Cullen broke away with a deep breath, he reaches up to trail the back of his fingers down Ygrettes tear-stained cheek, drawing her eyes to his. He lightly brushed the tip of his nose across hers, his warm breath bathing her face as he let out a contented sigh, “Our last moment will be memorable,” he says quietly, a hint of his new resolve steadying his voice, “but this my love, is not it.”

Ygrettes body shivers with the rush of love and joy that washes over her at his words, “Oh, Cullen,” she smiles happily up at him, running her hand up the back of his neck and into his curls “This is what I want from you. _All_ of you. Now and forever, this is all I will ever want .”

**Author's Note:**

> So in order to develop my own "voice" I like to play around with different styles, high drama, angst, fluff, even pushing into purple and trope territory. I hope that comes across in different pieces. This was a study in being emotive, getting more comfortable with expression. Constructive feedback always welcome :)


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